Life is full of uncomfortable choices. Currently, I am in the midst of one of these choices. Initially this seemed so easy and felt so right. To a certain degree it still does, but I am facing a lot of opposition from people that I love and respect.

Most of my life I have made decisions based on how it would make others feel. I'm always living my life to look good in the eyes of those around me or to please those I love. Those same people are always challenging me to do things that make me happy. To stop living my life to make those around me comfortable

Now that I am doing this, all I get is grief for taking their advice. I don't feel like I should have to apologize for this. I don't belIeve it's right to condemn someone just because you don't agree with them.

Someone please get over here and kick my butt into shape!

Seriously, I really need to make a good friend that will hang out with me and or just challenge me/bug me into keeping up with my fitness and health goals! I have pretty much maintained most of what I lost last year. Lost 30, gained back 10. Still still have about 15-20lbs to go.

I need accountability, so I decided today that I would stop making up excuses about why I'm not being as healthy as I need to be AND start writing about it here...maybe someone out there could keep me in line from time to time if there's a lull?

Well, here I go! Going to the park with Mark today...possibly for a run?(God help me now!) No time like the present to get in shape and be healthy!

Update

I feel like God has been teaching me patience lately. A lesson I apparently just can't grasp. I have been learning some hard lessons that I have been avoiding for quite some time. Kind of wish I would have taken the time to learn these lessons the first time around. I am making more of an effort than I ever have before. Hopefully I can stick to it.

Above all the craziness, God is so good to me. I have been so blessed by my new job and the family I work for. They have been so welcoming ant kind to me. I feel very undeserving of all the blessings I have received this year.

I am going to check out a bible study next Wednesday. Hopefully it's a good fit and I can finally make some friends. I really need to get plugged in somewhere. It's been too long since I have done anything like that.
Kind of nervous and would appreciate prayers.

This summer has been a whirlwind of crazy. Life keeps throwing the unexpected and the uninvited my way. My friends have really been so loving, understanding and supportive. Thank you friends for tour prayers, encouragement, support and faithfulness.

Last night I faced a huge fear of mine. I am still in shock with how relieved I am feeling...Hopefully this lasts. Now I have to sit back and trust God...whatever the outcome at least I have the support of my totally awesome friends and family.

Eyes on the prize

http://rachelheldevans.com/blessed-are-the-uncool

I am reminded almost daily of how uncool I really am. It's humbling and really keeps me in check with reality.

I read this persons blog today and it struck a chord/put me in my place.(spiritually speaking)

Why do we try so hard to be set apart, different, cool...or what have you? It's much easier to be my wired goofy self and much easier to listen to God -not my own dumb self all the time. Sheesh. I love how absolutely simple God can make the mess we have spent so long creating for ourselves.

Simplicity. That's what my heart truly longs for every time I take my eyes off myself.

Priorities

Read this today and it really challenged me. I have recently been more cynical than I would like to be. Could I really truly put God 1st, 2nd, and 3rd? I hope to be constantly striving toward this goal.

"Your priorities must be God first, God second, and God third, until your life is continually face to face with God and no one else is taken into account whatsoever. Your prayer will then be, “In all the world there is no one but You, dear God; there is no one but You.”
Oswald Chambers

It's been a while

Life has been so full of the unexpected and unplanned over the past 2 years. Seems like every time I try to make any major plans for my life the big man upstairs changes things up.

It's summer of 2011 and I am not a tiny bit closer to moving back to Chicago or to India. Truthfully, this makes my heart sad but simultaneously interested in where life will take me.

Money is tight and paychecks aren't coming as promised. Prayers are greatly appreciated.

Oh and I need to make friends over here and find a church.

SEND WHITNEY TO JPUSA

UPDATE!!! 100% of the funds needed were raised within a week of this posting!! PRAISE THE LORD!! He is so good!


Hey all! Here is the pay pal link to donate towards Whitney's plane ticket to Chicago in just 2 weeks! If 15-20 people donate $15 we will have the money for the ticket! Thanks so much for your support!

In the day to day

For the last year I have been living at home. NOT what I had in mind for my life, but God knows best. Unfortunately for me, I feel like I have wasted so much this year by doing nothing of importance.

I have totally failed in having a consistent quiet time with the Lord. On the rare occasion that I do take the time to be alone with God, I hear pretty much the same message every time. Hmmm, maybe I should take it to heart, huh? Every time the message is plain, and simple: The true test of your heart is when no one is around, and/or you are just doing the day to day. What is your heart like when no one is watching and what is your attitude when it's something you think is ordinary or unimportant?

My attitude this year in my seemingly ordinary life? Well, I feel like I've always been looking for what's next instead of appreciating everything that's right in front of me. Makes on wonder what you've missed in the process of looking ahead instead of around you.

All in all, it has been a good year. Mostly full of the Lord humbling me and teaching me things regardless of my inactive spirit.
Thank you God for being so faithful, even when I'm being selfish.

You are so good.

Make My Life A Prayer To You

Wow. So what I needed to hear today, and my theme for this season in my life.

Make my life a prayer to You,
I want to do what you want me to,
No empty words and no white lies,
No token prayers, no compromise,
I want to shine the light you gave,
Through Your Son, you sent to save us,
From ourselves and our despair,
It comforts me to know you're really there.

Oh, I want to thank you now, for being patient with me,
Oh, it's so hard to see, when my eyes are on me,
I guess I'll have to trust and just believe what you say,
Oh, you're coming again, coming to take me away,

I want to die, and let you give,
Your life to me, so I might live,
And share the hope you gave to me,
The love that set me free,
I want to tell the world out there,
You're not some fable or fairy tail,
That I made up inside my head,
You're God, The Son, you've risen from the dead.

Oh, I want to thank you now,
For being patient with me,
Oh, it's so hard to see,
When my eyes are on me,
I guess I'll have to trust,
And just believe what you say,
Oh, you're coming again,
Coming to take me away.

I want to die, and let you give,
Your life to me, so I might give,
And share the hope you gave to me,
I want to share the love that set me free.

Oh Life...

So, I am filling out job applications this week. Finally decided to move in with my sister and her husband 3 hours South of my current location. I'm excited, but mostly nervous as all get out. Not sure if I'll come up with enough money to buy a car, move, AND go to school. Maybe that's for the best right now. Could really use some prayers for all of this craziness.

Despite all my nerves about moving deeper into adulthood, I am pretty excited about possibly moving even FARTHER away next fall. Where? I'm not too sure about that minor detail, but I do know it will be out of the country. My best friend and I are praying about taking off for a year and working in an orphanage. We have a few lined up, but so far only one has contacted me back. It's in India : www.lordjesusministry.org .

I'll update more on all of this later. For now, I must work. Boss lady(a.k.a. Mom) is gone on vacation this week. I'm stuck back here to hold up the fort and watch 4 dogs. I feel like a crazy dog lady just sitting around working and talking to dogs all day. Oh no....I'm turning into my mother!! HAHA

Come

I will never grow tired of this song or the way it touches me every time I hear or sing it. Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it--Seal it for thy courts above. Truth lies herein for me.

Come Thou Fount

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

Life is but a breath

So, today I woke to an alarming text message that had been patiently awaiting to be read on my phone for several hours. It announced that a terrible car crash had happened while I was asleep involving 3 people I knew. One of them passed away.

He was only a year younger than I am and quite possibly one of the sweetest young guys I've ever met. I'm not going to exaggerate our connections. We were by no means close, but he always made me feel welcomed, accepted and listened to what those around him had to say. He was kind and it was very clear he had a genuine love for those around him. I don't know why, but I always feel like I just breathed a breath of fresh air for the first time after being around him. Like I had been living in a dingy basement or something. His character deeply impacted me.

It's so sad to me, even though I am still young, to see young people pass seemingly before their time. It hurts to see a life seemingly lived so short of it's potential. Then it dawned on me. I can't have been the only person who was so genuinely touched by this remarkable person. In the 20 some odd years of his life, I truly believe others must have felt this about him...perhaps even more. So, if this is true, then that doesn't really seem like such a life lived short by any means, but one lived to the fullest in the most mundane or ordinary circumstances.

Somehow this event has challenged me on some pretty deep levels. Life is what you make of it through the ordinary day to day, not saving up all of your energy for some distant, grand "what ifs" or "possibilities". Live life to the fullest, love those around you the way you want to be loved. Take time to enjoy the simple things. Listen to people like you really care-how do you know what that person is feeling or going through...it may just leave an impression that's impossible for the naked eye to see. Live like there's no tomorrow because maybe there won't be.

Life is so fragile, so multifaceted, why waste it worrying and spending your time making excuses. That's just my opinion. Good night.

So, I'm finally back from Bushnell and all my Cornerstone Fest duties. Back to the real world. I need to find a job. I am super nervous about money, finding a job and a place to live.

There seems to be a theme running through my current circustances and that is "Get Off The Boat". Like when Jesus is walking on the water and calls Peter out. Peter had to make a choice. Do I get off the boat and trust the Lord will take care of me or do I stay here where the storm is raging and wave are crashing...but at least I know for sure I'm on the boat.

If I jump into this unkown, then what? Now I have to enter into total trust in God. Peter looked away from Jesus and let his fears of the storm overwhelm him. He started sinking, and stop believing. I keep looking away, and I'm not even off the boat. God help me have faith and trust in you.

The other day I had an amazing devotional with my lovely roomie Katherine. We read from Oswald Chamber's book My Upmost For His Highest. His writings struck to the core of my situation. I have decided to make my descision and work with this church I've been thinking about helping. I am going to chose to believe. I'm jumping off the boat.

I hope it blesses whoever reads this.

July 9, 2009

Will You Examine Yourself?

ODB RADIO: | Download
READ:

Joshua said to the people, ’You cannot serve the Lord . . .’ —Joshua 24:19

Do you have even the slightest reliance on anything or anyone other than God? Is there a remnant of reliance left on any natural quality within you, or on any particular set of circumstances? Are you relying on yourself in any manner whatsoever regarding this new proposal or plan which God has placed before you? Will you examine yourself by asking these probing questions? It really is true to say, "I cannot live a holy life," but you can decide to let Jesus Christ make you holy. "You cannot serve the Lord . . ."— but you can place yourself in the proper position where God’s almighty power will flow through you. Is your relationship with God sufficient for you to expect Him to exhibit His wonderful life in you?

"The people said to Joshua, ’No, but we will serve the Lord!" ( Joshua 24:21 ). This is not an impulsive action, but a deliberate commitment. We tend to say, "But God could never have called me to this. I’m too unworthy. It can’t mean me." It does mean you, and the more weak and feeble you are, the better. The person who is still relying and trusting in anything within himself is the last person to even come close to saying, "I will serve the Lord."

We say, "Oh, if only I really could believe!" The question is, "Will I believe?" No wonder Jesus Christ placed such emphasis on the sin of unbelief. "He did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief" ( Matthew 13:58 ). If we really believed that God meant what He said, just imagine what we would be like! Do I really dare to let God be to me all that He says He will be?

Life Is A Crazy Whirlwind

Whirlwind: 1: a small rotating windstorm of limited extent 2 a: a confused rush : whirl whirlwind of meetings>
b: a violent or destructive force or agency

For once you were darkness, but now in Christ you are light. Live as children of light —for the
fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true. Daniel 7:1-3

Since April, my life has been taking quite a few twists and turns. I feel winds of change blowing me in several directions. I'm just trying to hold on and last through this ride. I thought I was moving home, but then an awesome opportunity has dropped in my lap a little over a week ago. Looks like I'm going to stay in this wonderful city I've called home for the last 3 years. A local church is in need of someone to help build their kids ministry and they have asked me to help. So, I am currently praying over the situation with the pastor, and I am asking you to keep me in your prayers as well.

There are challenges in both going home and staying here in the city to do ministry. I find myself struggling to stay with my decision to stay in the city. It's the choice I want to make and have found peace in, but it also has the most unknowns. I now have no where to live, and still no money. I don't have a job either and I can't start till after my work is done at Cornerstone.

Yet through all these and other unknowns, I feel God's in control of my situation. What a blessing it is to know that I don't have to micromanage everything and make it work--it's in God's hands and He, not me, is in control. I can't begin to express the PEACE I am learning to have through this truth. This experience has pushed me more into the word than I have been in quite a long time. Too long if you ask me. Now it's just a matter of having a constant trust in God that everything will be ok. (easier said than done) Time to keep trucking along into the unknown.

Philippians 4:4-7

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I just heard this BEAUTIFUL HYMN the other..I thought it was fitting for everything that's going on.

Take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold
not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.

::Chorus::
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour
at Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.
x3

(Take my life, Lord take my life. Take all of me)

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.