Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Life is but a breath

So, today I woke to an alarming text message that had been patiently awaiting to be read on my phone for several hours. It announced that a terrible car crash had happened while I was asleep involving 3 people I knew. One of them passed away.

He was only a year younger than I am and quite possibly one of the sweetest young guys I've ever met. I'm not going to exaggerate our connections. We were by no means close, but he always made me feel welcomed, accepted and listened to what those around him had to say. He was kind and it was very clear he had a genuine love for those around him. I don't know why, but I always feel like I just breathed a breath of fresh air for the first time after being around him. Like I had been living in a dingy basement or something. His character deeply impacted me.

It's so sad to me, even though I am still young, to see young people pass seemingly before their time. It hurts to see a life seemingly lived so short of it's potential. Then it dawned on me. I can't have been the only person who was so genuinely touched by this remarkable person. In the 20 some odd years of his life, I truly believe others must have felt this about him...perhaps even more. So, if this is true, then that doesn't really seem like such a life lived short by any means, but one lived to the fullest in the most mundane or ordinary circumstances.

Somehow this event has challenged me on some pretty deep levels. Life is what you make of it through the ordinary day to day, not saving up all of your energy for some distant, grand "what ifs" or "possibilities". Live life to the fullest, love those around you the way you want to be loved. Take time to enjoy the simple things. Listen to people like you really care-how do you know what that person is feeling or going through...it may just leave an impression that's impossible for the naked eye to see. Live like there's no tomorrow because maybe there won't be.

Life is so fragile, so multifaceted, why waste it worrying and spending your time making excuses. That's just my opinion. Good night.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

So, I'm finally back from Bushnell and all my Cornerstone Fest duties. Back to the real world. I need to find a job. I am super nervous about money, finding a job and a place to live.

There seems to be a theme running through my current circustances and that is "Get Off The Boat". Like when Jesus is walking on the water and calls Peter out. Peter had to make a choice. Do I get off the boat and trust the Lord will take care of me or do I stay here where the storm is raging and wave are crashing...but at least I know for sure I'm on the boat.

If I jump into this unkown, then what? Now I have to enter into total trust in God. Peter looked away from Jesus and let his fears of the storm overwhelm him. He started sinking, and stop believing. I keep looking away, and I'm not even off the boat. God help me have faith and trust in you.

The other day I had an amazing devotional with my lovely roomie Katherine. We read from Oswald Chamber's book My Upmost For His Highest. His writings struck to the core of my situation. I have decided to make my descision and work with this church I've been thinking about helping. I am going to chose to believe. I'm jumping off the boat.

I hope it blesses whoever reads this.

July 9, 2009
Will You Examine Yourself?
Joshua said to the people, ’You cannot serve the Lord . . .’ —Joshua 24:19

Do you have even the slightest reliance on anything or anyone other than God? Is there a remnant of reliance left on any natural quality within you, or on any particular set of circumstances? Are you relying on yourself in any manner whatsoever regarding this new proposal or plan which God has placed before you? Will you examine yourself by asking these probing questions? It really is true to say, "I cannot live a holy life," but you can decide to let Jesus Christ make you holy. "You cannot serve the Lord . . ."— but you can place yourself in the proper position where God’s almighty power will flow through you. Is your relationship with God sufficient for you to expect Him to exhibit His wonderful life in you?

"The people said to Joshua, ’No, but we will serve the Lord!" ( Joshua 24:21 ). This is not an impulsive action, but a deliberate commitment. We tend to say, "But God could never have called me to this. I’m too unworthy. It can’t mean me." It does mean you, and the more weak and feeble you are, the better. The person who is still relying and trusting in anything within himself is the last person to even come close to saying, "I will serve the Lord."

We say, "Oh, if only I really could believe!" The question is, "Will I believe?" No wonder Jesus Christ placed such emphasis on the sin of unbelief. "He did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief" ( Matthew 13:58 ). If we really believed that God meant what He said, just imagine what we would be like! Do I really dare to let God be to me all that He says He will be?

Friday, June 19, 2009

Life Is A Crazy Whirlwind

Since April, my life has been taking quite a few twists and turns. I feel winds of change blowing me in several directions. I'm just trying to hold on and last through this ride. I thought I was moving home, but then an awesome opportunity has dropped in my lap a little over a week ago. Looks like I'm going to stay in this wonderful city I've called home for the last 3 years. A local church is in need of someone to help build their kids ministry and they have asked me to help. So, I am currently praying over the situation with the pastor, and I am asking you to keep me in your prayers as well.

There are challenges in both going home and staying here in the city to do ministry. I find myself struggling to stay with my decision to stay in the city. It's the choice I want to make and have found peace in, but it also has the most unknowns. I now have no where to live, and still no money. I don't have a job either and I can't start till after my work is done at Cornerstone.

Yet through all these and other unknowns, I feel God's in control of my situation. What a blessing it is to know that I don't have to micromanage everything and make it work--it's in God's hands and He, not me, is in control. I can't begin to express the PEACE I am learning to have through this truth. This experience has pushed me more into the word than I have been in quite a long time. Too long if you ask me. Now it's just a matter of having a constant trust in God that everything will be ok. (easier said than done) Time to keep trucking along into the unknown.

Philippians 4:4-7

I just heard this BEAUTIFUL HYMN the other..I thought it was fitting for everything that's going on.

Take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold
not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour
at Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

(Take my life, Lord take my life. Take all of me)

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.